Thanksgiving Day

Today Max is thankful for "Batman and his food."

Modern tot

I heard that Max pushed two of his friends at school. In the car we discussed what we should do about it and together decided to write an apology not to Mrs. Holly for making her job more difficult (since he insisted he already apologized to his friends). He agreed that a letter was a good idea. Then he thought for a minute "Why don't we just text her the apology?"

Bonding moment with Dad.

Jeff is driving Max home from Nana and Papa's. Nana had taken Max to a fair, Jeff asked about it.

Jeff: so what did you do today Max?

Max: Um, you should just drive and not talk.

Jeff: What?

Max: You have two boys in the car. And when you have two boys in the car you need to concentrate. So you need to drive and not talk.

Sometimes the sweetness overwhelms me.

After leaving Barnes and Noble with two screaming children (Hudson crying because he needed a nap and Max hitting me because I took away his sword --an umbrella) I told Max I needed to talk to him in the car.

Max started to lecture me right away:

Mom, I am your oldest son, and Hudson is my oldest baby and you are my oldest, oldest, OLDEST mom. And that is not how you act in the store. You need to use a nice total voice. AND you need to act nicely because if you don't I will make you go home and I will carry Hudson inside but he will be mighty big so then you will have to do it. And YOU will be in time out because YOU did not behave nicely! And I am your oldest son SO *smacks teeth* you *smack teeth* need to apologize because YOU were not behaving nicely.

there was more but i just cant remember it all. had i not been driving i would have recorded it.b

Basic food groups.

Max opened up his new package of fake food Jeff bought him and found a black bottle with a small label. He brings it to me.

Max: Mommy, is this wine?

Me: No sweetie, I think it's soda.

Max: oh... (he goes back to the collection of food starts looking through it) Where's the wine?

text from the babysitter.
FWD: Max is sans pants right now, and I have new quotes for you

Everyone's a critic

Max's Observations.

To Oma: Cool dress Oma. It's too to tight.

(in reality she was wondering that herself.)

To Mom while drawing a chalk portrait of her: You have one ear smaller than the other.

(I have long hair which covers my ears, but they very different)

working on his greetings i guess.

I ran inside to grab another cup of coffee and went to join Max on the back porch.

Max turns to me and says

"Hey Mom! Glad you're back."

uh oh

leaving the playground

Max: Let's make a deal: how about we stay and play a little bit longer.

Jeff: How about we go back home and come back another day.

Max: I have a counter deal...

I don't remember the rest due to laughter.

over heard

I overheard Max playing with his toys, one was a soldier he may have gotten from Mc Donalds "I am Jo-Jo. I am CAPTIAN OF THE WORLD!"

this morning I over heard two of his toy having an argument. "I am the grandest in the world" "no, IIIIII am the grandest in the world"

I think the young man is planning a take over.

Bad joke

Max, standing right next to me pees all over the toilet. needless to say he got in a little bit of trouble.

After a lecture from me, he goes downstairs and apologizes to Jeff who had to clean it up.

Max: I am sorry I peed on the potty and not IN the potty.

Jeff: Why did you do that?

Max: (shrugs) Well, I was just trying to be funny.

Things that are True

Max is playing upstairs. Jeff and I are just having our coffee...

"MOM, DAD, I GOT VOMIT!!!"

Sure enough. He did have vomit.

He knows how to get things done.

Max: dad I want some chocolate milk.

Jeff: Okay in a minute.

Max: dad I found your watch!

Jeff: Thanks Max (reaches for the watch)

Max: (pulling away watch) you can have it when I get my chocolate milk.

Updated from my phone by hudson.... part two

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updated from my phone by hudson.... part one

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birthday wish list

I some how convinced Max to give me the time of day during cake.

I asked him what he wanted for his birthday.

Max: (EXCITED) I want the toy shopping cart at Target!!

(suddenly remembering that shopping trip. sad)But dad said I can't have it.

Me: (knowing why)why can't you have it?

Max: (heavy sigh) because I ran away in the store and I got in trouble. (pouty lip quiver) so, I guess I won't get anything for my birthday.

Me: oh sure you will. What else do you want for your birthday? let's make a birthday list.

(I write the list silently, apparently Max was worried that I'd get confused.)

The list:

* A BIG toy lion. It's not a real lion, but it is a big toy.

* A big toy elephant. But not a real one, just a toy one.

* A little toy airplane. Red. And blue... Red and blue with a flag on the top.

* A little toy race car. I want it blue. Not a real one. A toy.

* A toy princess with a red face and a blue dress.

and a strawberryvanillacake birthday cake.

so, armed with this list I'll shop this week.

Hopefully I can remember that he wanted the big toy lion, not the real one.

dissed.

Having cake... Mom is hoping to bond after a rough evening.
"so what did you do with nana and papa today?"
"um, lets just eat our cake."

More bathroom fun.

This is a belated post.

Max comes out of the bathroom laughing.

Max: I peed in the cat box!

Me: Max, don't do that. (not the first time)

Max: But (laughing... here comes the punchline!) I thought I was a cat!!

Things that are True

A friend told me this story. Funny the things you find out about your kids.

First of all, I had no idea he knew what marbles were.

Max: Why are you wearing marbles around your neck?

Alex: Well, they beads and they are actually made of wood.

Max: Wood beads? Oh. (beat) I have a car, it's made of plastic.

Alex: Oh!

Max: And I'm Max. And I am made of person.

this is going to be difficult.

Max: I want peas with NO vegetables!

Max jumped on my lap, gave me a smile and said "mommy, you are a beauuuutiful person!"

update

(Max goes to the bathroom by himself... forgets to turn off the light)

Jeff: Don't forget to turn off the light.

Max: (yelling from in the bathroom) OKAY!

Jeff: Thank you.

Max: (still yelling from in the bathroom) TURNED OFF THE WATER! (pause) FARTED!

on the therapist couch...

Max: (curious) I want you to tell me about your mother.

Me: My mother is Oma
Max: (smacks teeth) Tell me about your mother. So, (hand on chin) what did she do?

Things that are True

Max: Dad, you are definitely not Andrew. You are definitely my dad!

The way the world works.

Me: Max, we have to go home, its getting dark.

Max: Why is it dark?

Me: (exhausted) because Max...

Max: (explaining it to me) It's dark because the sun is on the other side of the Earth.

Me: (blank stare)

Well done mom.

I swear this was in context....

Me: ... and cars drive on the road

Max: (matter of fact) Yeah, they do. That's a very good observation.

Contritered

In the car...

"Mom, you need to be contritered"

"I do"

"Yes, do you know what contritered means?"

"Contritered? No, what does it mean?"

"Contritered means that you have to be nice to people"

"Oh... Okay, good lesson Max"

... 10 minutes later I realize the word is "considerate"

How to treat a cat.

Max walked in to the bathroom while I was taking a shower.

"Mom, I was using the cat as a brush for my knee and he bit me."
"He bit you?"
"Yeah, and there are hairs all over the place"
"Maybe you shouldn't use the cat as a brush anymore"
"Okay, whatever"

Dinner guests.

Two lovely young women came knocking on the door asking for "points" for College. Poor things.
Anyway, Max was happy to introduce himself. After the introductions he lets them know that we have made pizza for daddy.

Young woman, clearly pregnant: Oh wow! Did you leave some for me?
Max: Yes, I made it for daddy but you can have some.
young woman 2: You knew we were coming!
Max: yeah! (large gesture) COME ON IN!!

He was heartbroken that they couldn't stay for pizza. Couldn't give them "points" for college... but at least we offered dinner.

Don't cry over spilt coffee

Max to me after I spilled coffee on the counter:
"Shame on you for spilling the coffee! Shame on you! ... But we can still be friends"