this is going to be difficult.

Max: I want peas with NO vegetables!

Max jumped on my lap, gave me a smile and said "mommy, you are a beauuuutiful person!"

update

(Max goes to the bathroom by himself... forgets to turn off the light)

Jeff: Don't forget to turn off the light.

Max: (yelling from in the bathroom) OKAY!

Jeff: Thank you.

Max: (still yelling from in the bathroom) TURNED OFF THE WATER! (pause) FARTED!

on the therapist couch...

Max: (curious) I want you to tell me about your mother.

Me: My mother is Oma
Max: (smacks teeth) Tell me about your mother. So, (hand on chin) what did she do?

Things that are True

Max: Dad, you are definitely not Andrew. You are definitely my dad!

The way the world works.

Me: Max, we have to go home, its getting dark.

Max: Why is it dark?

Me: (exhausted) because Max...

Max: (explaining it to me) It's dark because the sun is on the other side of the Earth.

Me: (blank stare)

Well done mom.

I swear this was in context....

Me: ... and cars drive on the road

Max: (matter of fact) Yeah, they do. That's a very good observation.

Contritered

In the car...

"Mom, you need to be contritered"

"I do"

"Yes, do you know what contritered means?"

"Contritered? No, what does it mean?"

"Contritered means that you have to be nice to people"

"Oh... Okay, good lesson Max"

... 10 minutes later I realize the word is "considerate"